by Randy Ooney
My Nickel’s Worth by Randy Ooney
The year is 2076. While America celebrates its tricentennial, climate change has also changed bowling. Since global warming now produces tropical temperatures in Minnesota, there is no longer a need for indoor bowling. The Metrobowl, once the home of the Vikings and Twins, was converted to a bowling arena over 50 years ago when those teams built new parks with taxpayer money, originally slated for bailing out companies that were too big to fail. Now construction has begun of the beautiful “TCF Twilight Zone XL Xtreme”, on the University of Minnesota Campus.
Those teams and leagues that faithfully bowled at the Metrobowl for years, may move to the same night and lanes at the new bowlpark, unless teams with more money want the spots. For a nominal fee, any team may bump an existing team because money always wins out over loyalty. No beer will be sold on the lanes, however, if you purchase a private luxury box for 80,000 US Euros, you will be allowed to purchase beer while watching the matches.
The Minneapolis USBC Association has been replaced by a Board of Regents, and the interleague governing body has formed a Bowling Championship System, known as the BCS. I’ve always thought the acronym has one too many “C”s in it, but that’s just an opinion. The BCS was responsible for reviewing World War II awhile back, and deciding that Germany was actually the winner because it had much tougher opponents. If your team performs well within your league, the BCS will analyze the performance. Those with the tougher schedules will be awarded spots in the MAG SCORE Bowls. (Microsoft, Apple, Gateway, .. Sugar, Cotton, Orange, Rose, Etc.) Teams with decent records against lesser opponents may find themselves headed to Detroit for the Bicycle City Bowl. You will have to get there by train or horseback. The roads in Michigan have all eroded since no cars have come out of there for 50 years. Or, you may find yourself on the way to enjoy the Sun Bowl in Alaska, now the only US State with an average temperature under 95 degrees, and a perfect spot for bowling in January.
Enjoy the College football bowling season!