My Nickel’s Worth by Randy Ooney
Slow Your Roll
In the book, “The Thunderbolt Kid” by Bill Bryson, the author describes growing up in Des Moines, Iowa, including the mischief and misadventures of a Midwestern corn belt youth. He devoted nearly an entire chapter on Nehi grape soda. I’m not sure if he was lampooning Corporal Radar O’Reilly of M.A.S.H. or if he was really infatuated with grape pop. In any case, it gave me pause to remember trips to our local bowling center in my youth, and the many bottles, (Yes, glass bottles), of grape soda I consumed, purchased from the pop machine at Hopkins Lanes. In a past article, I lamented a bit about the fact that there is no longer grape soda available from the machines at the bowling centers I patronize. We see a variety of beverages, many loaded with sugar and caffeine, to keep you going through those 3 and 4 game battles on league night. If Coke or Mountain Dew does not suffice, perhaps you can find a bottle or can of AMP, Red Bull, Monster, Gatorade, Jolt, or stop by the convenience store for a triple espresso or one of those little bottles of 5 Hour Energy.
But there is big news on the horizon, and remember you read about first, here at mnbowling.com. Grape soda is returning to the Twin Cities in the form of an antithesis to all of the aforementioned products designed to keep you awake all night. The product was first invented in Arizona, is grape flavored, and the name is DRANK. This is not a Monavie type pain solution, it’s not a cherry juice arthritis fighter. In fact the motto of the company is “Slow Your Roll”. Perfect to get you through that 800 series without squeezing the ball. In fact your teammates might have to wake you up to roll that eighth strike in the ninth frame. It could also cure those yips on the green, or the person who seems to always knock that first putt 10 feet by the hole. This could be the answer to every bowlers nightmare. Think of the possibilities; Go to the ball park concession stand and have a frank and a drank. From the clubhouse at your local course, Have a Drank, eliminate your shank. I expect an endorsement contract for White Sox pitcher, John Danks. “John Danks drinks Drank”. On Halloween, instead of “Trick or Treat” you might hear “Drank or Prank.”
I’m told DRANK should be available in the Twin Cities shortly, with the distribution handled by local Pepsi Bottling distributors. I’m not sure I can roll my ball any slower, and I usually have trouble getting my putts to the hole, but I am certainly looking forward to the return of any grape beverage to the bowling center pop machines. My supply of 20th century grape “Fizzies” is running low. And by the way, don’t drink and drive. But you may drive if you have drunk DRANK.
And if you think this is just another spoof by Randy Ooney, go directly to Google and search DRANK. It’ll be here before you know it.