by Randy Ooney
My Nickel’s Worth by Randy Ooney
It’s been a brutal season for baseball fans in Minnesota, and my sympathies go out to those who spent thousands of dollars on season tickets, only to watch the Rochester Red Wings playing in Twins uniforms. Target field can be an attraction for only so long, and I think that era is over. (see: Metrodome - 1983). So the powers that be in the front office better devise a plan in a hurry to keep us from reliving the 90’s. Speaking of the front office, rumor has it that Andy McPhail will not be returning to the Orioles. Could be a decent replacement for Bill Smith. Andy brought us our first World Champion in 1987.
Next, we need to get rid of the 1961 era home uniforms. The Twins were about 70 - 90 in 1961, and our boys are closing in on those numbers again. Next, I think all the players can afford razor blades. As much as I H8 NY, You never see a Yankee looking like he’s standing in line at the soup kitchen.
We’re going to need some new players. First, we should trade our entire pitching staff plus a player to be named later, to Philadelphia for their pitchers. Next we could maybe trade Alexi Casilla to Atlanta for Dan (His name is) Uggla. Before we make the Phillie deal, we need to trade Matt Capps back to the Nationals for Wilson Ramos. It’s only fair, they did it to us last year. Then we need to trade Jim Hoey to Baltimore for J.J. Hardy. Again, turnabout is fair play, if the Orioles don’t like it, we could toss Nishioka in with the deal. We need to keep Mauer and Morneau. Not that they’ll be any better next year, but I have a slug of their baseball cards that I need to sell first. (I have Johan, Torii, and Delmon cards for sale - 12 for $1.00 if your interested.)
We need to talk with Trader Jack McKeon of the Marlins. Maybe we can trade Jason Repko or one of our Rene’s for Mike Stanton. The guy is 22 and has Pulholsian numbers! Speaking of Prince Albert, sign him for 8 years and put him to work. May as well go after Prince Fielder also. We’ll go with 5 first basemen next year, what the heck.
I hope you all enjoy the Labor day weekend. I never figured out why it’s called Labor Day, and then 90 per cent of the population get the day off work, but enjoy. A few bowling leagues have started, and most others will kick off soon. Here’s hoping you have a great season, and by the time you make it to the April rolloffs, our Twins will be organizing T-Shirts, fishing lures, and bobble heads to try to fill Target Field. And the earth will be making another trip around the sun.