by Randy Ooney
My Nickel’s Worth by Randy Ooney
We recently saw the conclusion of the first battle in the PBA league team event. We saw some questionable bowling with easy spares being missed, players missing the pocket by more than a board or two, but Pete Weber and the WTT team did put together a seven bagger to win the “Coveted Elias Cup”. A bit of an overstatement I thought. What we did not see was any of the players showing up in football jerseys, (Maybe Terrell Owens team?), basketball jerseys and shorts, (Chris Paul’s team?), or any other assorted sloppy clothing. Each team was outfitted in the classy new style bowling shirts, adorned with bowling equipment manufacturers logos, or in one case an insurance company, and various patches. I admit it has a NASCAR feel to the outfit, but logos are familiar to bowling and golf apparel.
Suppose the Lakers came to town to play the Timberwolves and Kobe came out on the court in a bowling shirt. How about if the Packers came to the Metrodome and took the field in Baseball jerseys. Recently, I have witnessed a huge array of weird clothing on people showing up for league bowling. Years ago, especially in the high end scratch leagues, everyone wore a sponsored bowling shirt. In fact, I was in one league where we had a shirt, and polyester pants with a 2 inch wide white belt! Maybe that’s a little overboard in this day and age, but it does not forgive some of today’s looks.
I realize I will hear from both sides on this issue, but I have devised a rating system for league bowlers:
Every league bowler starts with 100 points,
If you wear a stocking cap while bowling, subtract 10 points.
If you wear a baseball cap while bowling, subtract 10 points.
If you wear the baseball cap backwards and your name is not Ken Griffey Jr. subtract an additional 15 points.
If you wear any other kind of hat (cowboy? Outback? Golf visor?) while bowling, subtract 10 points.
If your team has a sponsor that purchased a shirt for you, subtract 5 points for every night when you didn’t wear it.
T-Shirts are underwear. It is okay to wear a T-shirt while bowling, but if it is the ONLY shirt you are wearing, subtract 10 points.
If the T-shirt has a Mopar logo with a picture of a Dodge Hemi eating a Chevy, subtract 10 points. Corvette munching a Thunderbird? Still 10 points.
If the T-shirt has a rude suggestion that I am not able to publish here, subtract 25 points. (Ask me about a league I am in).
If the T-shirt looks like you were changing oil in it all day, subtract 15 points.
Shirts with collars are fine, but the new bowling shirts with mock turtle necks or mock Nehru collars are the new style. Give yourself 5 points if you have one of these.
If you are wearing a leather vest with a Harley Davidson logo, and a ring of keys on your belt next to the holstered knife, deduct 25 points.
If you are wearing any major sport jersey, Baseball, Football, Basketball, or Hockey, deduct 15 points. If you are wearing a Packers jersey deduct an additional 10 points.
Cotton Bermuda shorts are okay from April 1 through October 15. But those silky oversized basketball shorts? - Deduct 10 points.
Ever since the Tom and Dickie Smothers song, “I love my jeans” became popular, all kinds of denim have invaded bowling centers. I am declaring jeans to be okay, as long as they are not three sizes too big and worn 12 inches below the waist, nor should they look like you spent all day cleaning porta potties in them.
Belts are okay, but if your belt buckle weighs over a pound and has a turquoise stone in it, deduct 5 points.
Results: 91 or higher – Scratch bowler
75 – 90 - Handicap bowler
Below 75 - Move to Iowa – they have leagues there