by Randy Ooney
My Nickel’s Worth by Randy Ooney
Name That Ball
Baseball equipment has names: bat, ball, helmet, shin guard, chest protector; Football also has a helmet, shoulder pads, knee pads, and face mask. So what do bowlers call their equipment? Cell, Dimension, Inferno, Secret Agent, Black Widow, Twisted Fury, etc. I’m thinking the auto namers from car manufacturers retired and went to work for the makers of bowling balls. It’s true that Wyatt Earp or Matt Dillon may have taken a Mustang to work, as I did years ago. Explorer seems like a good name for a vehicle, but where do they come up with Avalanche, Tahoe, Sedona, Prius, and Element? Actually Boxster might be a more descriptive name for the Element rather than the sleek Porsche that it is.
So to get back On Track , I’ve come up with a few new names for bowling balls for 2009:
For super high performance try the Incrediball or a Ballistic.
How about a Bawl - excellent choice for John Kreyer
Jingle Ball - Oh what fun it is
Strato Sphere - will take your game to new heights.
For the Baby Boomers, Great Ball of Fire - bowl like Jerry Lee Lewis; Rolling Stone - bowl like Mick Jagger, or Lucille Ball - Available only with dyed red finger grips.
Ball Four - A walk to the foul line
Foul Ball - Careful, this one may reach the seats
Hi Ball - good choice for my pal, Dan Pritchard
Lo Ball - sure to be Lumpy’s favorite.
Eye Ball - Available in standard or bloodshot edition for those
New Year’s Day sweepers.
Beer Bally - (no drock comments here please).
Ball oon - Extremely light weight
Ball oney - Did you know Oscar Mayer was a bowler?
Ball room - Makes those pins dance
Mar Ball - Available in steelie, peerie, or cats eye
Snow Ball - Gets bigger as it rolls down the lane
BroomBall - Great for those pre tournament sweepers.
Inaugural Ball - Endorsed by President elect Obama.
Ball State - A favorite among collegiate bowlers.
CaBalla - comes in camouflage or blaze orange.
Wiffle Ball - lots of extra holes.
Crab Ap Ball - Available exclusively at On Track Midway.
Pin Ball - Probably the most applicable name for a bowling ball. Too bad it has already been used on those machines found against the wall.
Finally, just released, Ball Dropping in Times Square.
Happy New Year everyone!!!!