My Nickel’s Worth by Randy Ooney
Turkey of Year 2009
Unbelievable how time flies. The Gobbler in Johnson Creek is history, and visas to Istanbul were too expensive, so the Turkey of the year board agreed this year to meet at the Minnesota turkey town of Worthington. Of course our previous honorees, Patrick Ruesse, and an unnamed AMF exec were invited to share the festivities but neither showed up.
Once again the ballot was loaded with worthy candidates. Tom Petters bilked millions from investors. He was unable to attend due to a previous commitment. Two Northwest pilots were going to fly down from the Twin Cities but ended up somewhere over Omaha. Baseball always yields a candidate or two. Phil Cuzzi must have missed the day in umpire class when they talked about fair or foul, and Tim McClellan wasn’t sure that a base runner had to be on the base or could be tagged out. Despite a great season, Phillies Ryan Howard earned his feathers with a World Series record 13 whiffs in six games. Our Minnesota Timberwolves could fill the entire turkey freezer at Rainbow or Cub. Tennessee Titans owner Bud Adams is a late addition for his now famous one finger salute to the Buffalo Bills and their fans. You would think at age 86 he would be past one of those favorite high school activities.
Governor Pawlenty seems to have quit his job and is now hopping around the country raising money for something, while newly elected Al Franken has become the first Senator from Minnesota that doesn’t answer his mail. Nice to know Frannie is greeting visitors, maybe I should write to her. Our new Gopher basketballer, Royce White, easily makes the ballot this year. A full scholarship to the U of M wasn’t quite enough so he decided to afford himself a five finger discount at the Mall of America, and pilfer a laptop from a fellow student.
Kingpin has been removed from this years ballot. No one can find him. I continue to promote Horsey for the award but he receives few votes. He has become the Harold Stassen of Turkeydom. (For those too young to remember, Harold was the Minnesota statesman who ran for president more often than TNT shows a “Law and Order” episode). Perhaps if the Horse could have his pic taken with Nick Punto and published on this website with a 5-7-10 in the background, he could gain some attention. I’ll check with Hinderlick. Speaking of interesting pics, Lumpy has made the ballot this year for distributing a questionable digitalized photo at a recent MSC tournament. We can’t show it here, but it may show up on you tube someday. Everything else does. Sheesh remains hopeful and has raised some funds to distribute “Yesshhh we can” buttons to his supporters.
After only one ballot, there was a unanimous choice for this year’s Turkey of 2009 award. A Minnesota businessman who floated loans for nearly a billion dollars, annoyed us for years by appearing in his own ads, surrounded himself with millions of dollars worth of homes, watches, golf clubs, boats, etc., and now can’t pay his bills while he tries to make ends meet on a paltry $25,000.00 a month. Our 2009 Turkey of the Year -- Denny Hecker.
And, as always, a very Happy Thanksgiving holiday wish to all of the great bowling families at mnbowling.com.