by Randy Ooney
My Nickel’s Worth by Randy Ooney
Turkey of the Year 2010
Here we go again. A foot of snow on Target Field, A sheet of ice at the Excel, and a pretty cool climate at the Mall of America Dome and Target Center. The Turkey of the year board agreed this year to meet at the University of Minnesota Administration Building, where they would blend right in. Previous inductees, Patrick Reusse, and the unnamed AMF exec did not show up for this year’s ceremony. Last year’s Turkey, Denny Hecker, wore the feathers beyond expectations, but was not allowed to attend this year’s festivities either.
Another Election year. States that typically vote conservative are sometimes referred to as red states, while those who generally support liberal candidates are called blue states. Minnesota voters seem to sway one way or another depending on political climate. This is why the Vikings selected purple for a team color. Once again we have an extremely close ballot for the governor’s mansion. Both candidates said the right things and exhibited class and restraint, while waiting for the final tally. But GOP chairman Tony Sutton claimed foul and said it “didn’t pass the smell test.” Gobble, Gobble, Tony. You win a bottle of turkey scented Glade.
Two unlikely teams in the World Series. Kudos to the Giants and nice run to the Rangers. Pat Burrell gets the Series Turkey award for a 0 for 13 with 11 strikeouts. Holy Turkey!! Not even Harry Caray could describe that performance. In our bowling world, Horsey has been walking on his hind legs and bobbing his head, and has friended many turkeys on face book, but still no support from the award committee. Drock still indulges in Wild Turkey, but he can now hide behind a narrow tree trunk. Kingpin must be there also because he is still MIA.
Tiger Woods has entered the world of turkeys with his well followed and media scrutinized activities. The next Royal Wedding won’t have the coverage that Turkey Tiger got over the past year.
I don’t like calling college football players “turkeys”. I think calling them gophers is demeaning enough. But I can’t help but notice Tim Brewster sounds a lot like Tom Rooster. And then there’s that other football team in Minnesota. I cannot call a quarterback with over 500 TD passes a turkey. But he has developed color blindness and keeps completing passes to players with different colored jerseys. Randy Moss received a few votes, but calling Randy a turkey would be a compliment. Randy is in a special class of fowl reserved for the likes of Manny Ramirez, Isaiah (JR) Rider, and others like them.
Who would have thought at Thanksgiving time, that the Vikings would have fewer wins than the Timberwolves? So, Brad Childress, for all you do, (or don’t), this 2010 Turkey of the year award is for you. When you’re hot, you’re hot. When you’re Chilly, you’re not.
As always, Have a Happy and safe Thanksgiving, everyone!