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    by Randy Ooney     

My Nickel’s Worth                        by Randy Ooney    


Turkey of the Year

Chestnuts are roasting on an open fire, and Jack Frost is nipping at your nose.  Three strikes in a row is still a turkey, but a four bagger is no longer a hambone.  It must be time for a Thanksgiving feast.  This year the Turkey Committee met in beautiful downtown Worthington, Minnesota’s turkey capital of the world to pass judgement on a number of candidates. 

Speaking of judgement, first we have New York Yankee right fielder “All Rise” Aaron Judge.  Although his 52 home runs gets him Rookie of the Year honors, 200 plus strikeouts leave a lot of men on base.

P.J. Fleck came to the University of Minnesota with all the exuberance and enthusiasm not seen since the days of Tim Brewster.  Unfortunately, Fleck’s team’s record is about the same as Brewster’s.  However, let us give him a chance.  Gopher football has not been great since the days of Murray Warmath.  (Axel – (Clelland Card) used to call him Furry Warmat). 

The World Series was one of the best this year, however Joc Pedersen – Grow up !  A high five is fine, or even a couple of Kirk Gibson fist pumps, but dancing to the sugar plum fairies around the bases after a home run is nursery school, and showing up the other team may have contributed to the Astros game 7 comeback. 

Fan favorite Miguel “Haystack” Sano was asked to take off a few pounds when spring training started, but he put it behind him.  As in “All Rise” I feel that trading a home run for 10-15 strikeouts is not good baseball, even if the shots go 500 feet.

The turkey committee is very happy to award a whole flock of birds to the GEICO insurance company for the stupidest commercials ever seen on the tube.  What ever happened to the cavemen?

Drock and Horsey, I think of you every year when I am stuffing the bird, but once again the turkey committee has passed you over on their ballots.

Many major retailers have announced that they will open in the early evening of Thanksgiving Day.  Those greedy companies cannot even let their loyal employees enjoy a holiday.  I certainly hope that none of my “Black Friday” faithful following friends will not be lured into “Gray Thursday” shopping.  I am sure there will be hoards of merchandise left on “Black Friday” morning.  Hint – the best deals are usually around December 23.

The ballots have been counted and “My Nickel’s Worth” is pleased to announce and award “Turkey of the Year” honors to (insert trumpet sounds here)---------------------- Our Minnesota Twins hired a new General Manager, Derek Falvey, who decided in July that the team was not good enough to have a closer in the bull pen.  I am wondering if he used his turkey feathers to wipe the egg off his face when the team played that final extra game in Yankee Stadium.


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