by Randy Ooney
My Nickel’s Worth by Randy Ooney
It‘s that time of year again. New Years Day will always be College football bowl day, but the day has evolved from Rose, Sugar, Cotton, Orange, Gator and Fiesta to about 30 different bowls spread out over two weeks. Most are on ESPN, but the networks stick with Rose, Sugar, Cotton, and Orange. Gives you some idea of bowl results that people care about. But since New Year’s Day has evolved, it’s time for us to Resolve.
So many resolutions involve quitting something you like to do, eating, smoking, drinking, gambling, bowling six leagues per week, putting peanut butter under the toilet seat, etc. Heavy duty quitting takes a lot of will power, so most of those strong resolutions only last a week or two. Better to pick something moderate and positive. Since I have already had to quit most of the bad habits, I have come up with a few new resolutions for myself, and maybe for others to try.
1.) I resolve to never do business with any company who advertises by putting a sticky note on my newspaper.
2.) I resolve to never type “LOL” on any forum, chat room, Facebook, bathroom wall graffiti, or dirty car bumper.
3.) I will not use the word “Hambone” unless I am making cabbage soup with the leftover Christmas shank.
4.) I will never again complain about leaving any pin in the back row. After all, there’s nothing I can do about it. I was born right handed.
5.) I resolve not to use tobacco in 2011. This should be easy since I quit last May.
6.) I resolve not to make jokes about Bill Hunt’s shirt. This will be tougher, since I have previously used the shirt to cover my van to keep the windows from frosting up.
7.) I resolve not to make jokes or even mention Michelle Bachman being appointed to the House intelligence committee. (I think I just broke that one.)
8.) I will let Chilly, Zygi, Brett, and the rest of the Vikings rest in pieces until next August. (Pitchers and catchers report in 7 weeks).
9.) I resolve to never arrive at the bowling center on league night later than Howard Jones. (Another slam dunk).
10.) Finally, I resolve to wish everyone a prosperous and healthy 2011. Add a couple of pins to that average, and a couple of dollars to that IRA. Happy New Year!!